Wednesday, 26 November 2008

My Best Friends Girl Review

Hey guys! Chicks dig assholes! Well of course they do Owen you massive twat, everyone knows that. How else do you explain arrogant bullshit rock stars getting blowjobs like cups of tea at a tea parade yet care workers getting not so much as a Dutch Rudder for looking after spastics all day (sorry for using that word again but I am in character so fuck you). Does that mean women are shallow and rubbish too? Of course! But wait I know loads of nice couples who get on really well and they're not knob-jockeys and whores. Well don't tell the makers of My Best Friends Girl or it might make their film look like a steaming turd.

Sadly their film already looks like a steaming turd because they've cast Dane Cock in it (Really changing cook to cock, that's all you got, well there is this which is much better, as the eponymous hero who treats women like shit so that they'll go back to their cheating partners. But then he falls in love with one of the people he's been hired to scare off. Wow, kinda like a reverse Hitch. Which is probably just how the producers pitched this breathtakingly toss assault on everything I hold good and pure in this messed up world. Pricks.

See, I really like romantic comedies when they're done well (but then I class Fight Club as a romantic comedy so my definition may differ from yours). The problem is the abundance of them filling up the schedule because any cinema chain must have at least 5 'date movies' on at the cinema just in case some total bastard needs to try and plough a different girl every week but doesn't want to sit through the same movie while he's trying to co-erce them into taking off their sopping panties. I think that's why there's lots of them but then I may just be jaded from the hour and a half spent in the company of the utter, utter shitcunts that feature in this movie.

But its not just Mr. Cook thats rubbish in both life and in this film. Jason Biggs sells another little piece of his soul and pride as the kind of chronic masturbating, desperate fucktard that is supposed to represent 'the nice guy'. Well if this is how the 'nice guy' is represented I'm kicking puppies to death as soon as I hit 'publish post'. And the object of their mutual affection (the point of the movie is they both love the same girl, sorry I didn't mention that, in fact I've said nothing about the plot as this review has been taken over by my angry, ranty, angry rant) is such a vapid pointless character you wonder if a 5 and half ft Vagina might have evoked a similar repsonse from Cook and Biggs. That she's played by the one time Penny Lane makes me weep even more.

In summation this movie tells you to be a prick but a nice guy too. Now what sort of advice is that, the only reason I watch movies is to get hints and tips of how to get women to fuck me. Hey, I made it. I'm an asshole! Woohoo, bring on the pussy!!!!

1 comment:

Carl said...

I'm pretty sure you're getting angrier and rantier as the year goes on. Perhaps by the end of December you'll reach braking point and reviews will just be an impenitrable mess of bitter screams and raging keyboard mashes. I certainly hope so, the film industry seems to show no signs of slowing down the amount of utter turd-bombs. I am going to take a moment now to appreciate not having to watch any of them. You are like the Jesus of the cinema world! Enduring the unwatchable and dieing inside so we don't have to!