Donkey Punch Review

Hey Mum. I know you read my lovely joy-filled reviews and I know how proud you are of my wonderful imagery and way with words. Or perhaps you sit at home, weeping, wondering where it all went wrong, crying to the neighbours, "He wanted to be a Vet." Well whichever side you're sitting on please skip this one. Even I'm offended by the premise. Almost. And while I didn't come up with the idea it just isn't going to sit right with me if you bring this review up over Christmas dinner this year. It may spoil the turkey.

Now that mother has left I can inform you all of the (pretty wafer thin) plot and what exactly a donkey punch is. It begins with 3 girls and 4 boys getting drunk and taking drugs. So far, so Hollyoaks. But then things get a little out of hand with a 3 guy/2 girl fuckfest and one badly timed donkey punch (a sexual practice where the 'giver' of bum sex punches the 'taker' in the back of the neck, causing the taker's anal passage to tense up thus supplying the giver with an increased orgasm) which causes one dead girl and three flaccid willies. The other girls don't take this well (the dead girl or the flaccid willies?). Captivity, escape and blood all ensue.

I feel compelled to distribute a certain amount of kudos toward the creators of this for it really is quite an 'out there' premise. But 'out-there' can often translate to mean really fucking shit and Donkey Punch isn't. Its not great either, and seeing the amount of four star reviews from critics saturating the posters is a cause for concern. I know its nice to have a British film do well but unless you write for Nuts or Zoo magazine four stars for this is just lowering the bar for everone else.

While its not quite the chav wank fantasy it may appear it still outstays its welcome and glides by on the 'oh-no-they-didn't!' premise. The first reel is a guilty pleasure as you know these 'party' types will get their comeuppance. The pleasure in seeing vapid morons get deaded is as old as time itself but there really isn't any surprise or shocks to get from this. In fact the most shocking thing was looking at my notes during the end credits and seeing the word 'mum' next to the words 'donkey punch'. Chrsitmas dinner is gonna be difficult.