The Love Guru Review

I am so dissapointed by the awfulness of this movie. In that it isn't. Perhaps it was the weight of expectation from so many saying that it was the 'worst movie of the year' therefore I had such low hopes. I'd even written half the review before watching it, including some of my most scathingly dark material that I'd been saving up for a film of true shitness. In the end though it just turned out to be a very bad film. Which is a shame. I had my gloves off and everything.

Mike Myers is Pitka a childlike self help guru hired by Jessica Alba (I thought I told you to stay off my screen for the remainder of the year!) to sort out the love life of Romany Malco, a black ice hockey player. This is funny because he is black. And black people don't usually like ice hockey. Do they? Ha. Ha. Ha. Hmmmpphh. More jokes about race, willies and funny names that sound like willies play out the rest of the, mercifully brief, running time.

Willies and the fact that Indians pronounce their 'w's as 'v's (imagine the comedic possibilities in singing 9 to 5, "vot a vay to make a living", i.e none) seem to be the basis for all the humour, while the idea of loving yourself is the single message rammed home again and again. Yet, like Meet Dave before it, I'm letting it off worse movie of the year for one reason and one reason alone. Verne Troyer punches Mike Myers in the balls. Really hard. Then Mike drops to his knees screaming, "Ow My balls." This to me is worth the price of admission. I am that easily pleased.

The ultimate decline of Myers might just be a timely thing. Every comic has his day if they don't re-invent and its clear that ten years on the Austin Powers schtick just won't endure. Its a shame because Mike Myers is an incredibly likeable actor (even if he does hire the no talent Alba, seriously just become a model or pornstar or something). But if you really want to see him doing something truly hilarious Youtube the telethon for Hurricane Katrina, where Kanye West blurts out "George Bush hates black people". The look on Mikes face is funnier than a man being hit in the balls.