Appaloosa Review

I'm not one to suck my own cock to completion, sorry, I mean, I'm not one to blow my own trumpet, but I like to think I know a thing or two about movies. So when the trailers for Appaloosa turned up I was pretty shaken to the core that a movie directed by and starring Ed Harris, with support from Viggo Mortensen, Jeremy Irons and Renee Zellweger could skip me by so easily. While its a Western a few months off of Oscar season (therefore not thought of as up to much by the studio) I'd still have expected a small amount of prior knowledge, but here I sit trousers round my ankles, sporting a silly look on my face.

To aid other movie fans that may not now bupkis about Appaloosa its about a couple of hired guns, Ed "Supporting role" Harris (as wannabe sheriff Virgil Cole) and his buddy Viggo "Looks like my friend Steve" Mortensen (playing his deputy Everitt Hitch). The pair are enlisted by the folk of Appaloosa to protect them from big bad Jeremy "I met a man with seven wives" Irons. Renee "No eyes in her name or face" Zellweger turns up for a bit of subplot as she tries to boff everyone in town. Its a small town but, still. Ho.

Its a bit of a shame this film is so under the radar because it ain't half bad. Not a revisionist Western like say Unforgiven or Dances With Wolves, its more of a typical old fashioned one like last years remake of 3:10 to Yuma containing that rare thing in PC times, bad injuns that wanna rapes white womens. Its got its own town whore in the shape of Renee (although she ain't a typical whore) and enough hands waverig over guns to keep any redneck happy for a couple a hours.

At times it feels a bit like everyone is having a bit of a dress up (due mainly to the flat direction) and playing at cowboys and ho's. This makes the theatrical nature of the piece far outway the cinematic experience but thanks to some great banter between the History of Violence co-stars it becomes an enjoyable hark back to the good old days, where Westerns were about the good guy with an edge kicking seven shades of shite out of the bad guy. Yee and indeeed Haw!