Nights in Rodanthe Review

Before I write my reviews I like to think of some witty hook to hang the entire review on. Contrived? Moi? Well, I was all set with Nights In Rodanthe. I'd written this great opening paragraph about going for a poop halfway through the film and how the poop was burning and runny and painful but how I'd enjoyed the poop more than any of the film and so on and so forth. Sadly the film turned out to be average enough for me to save my poop story/lie (delete where applicable) for another day.

You wouldn't believe it wasn't worse than diarrhoea when you hear this premise. Housewife (Diane Lane) isn't sure if she should go back to her husband after he ran off with some floozy. Doctor (Richard Gere) is a bad father and husband who recently, accidently, killed a patient who was in for plastic surgery. (If only it was more common. Not for burns patients and stuff, just really vain people, your Paris's and the like. Anyway I digress.) Housewife looks after friends hotel (brilliantly stereotypical, black, best friend Viola Davis) where she meets Doctor. They do sex.

If the idea of Richard Gere doing any kind of non-rodent related sex makes you cringe, then you should think about also cringing at the rodent related stuff. Weirdos. So why the 'its not so bad' claim? Well mainly because of some quite topdraw acting from almost everyone involved. Diane 'never been in a good film, never put in a bad performance' Lane puts in a great performance. James 'Owen likes me now because I have range' Franco shows his range. And shows why I like him now. Scott 'can steal a movie with one monologue' Glenn turns up, performs a monologue, fucks off again and almost steals the movie. And Pablo 'Nick Sobotka from The Wire' Schreiber plays his son. He's in The Wire. I like The Wire.

So how about Mr. Silver Horse, sorry Fox, Gere? Well I don't like Richard Gere and for the most part, in this film, I didn't want to put him in a giant hamster ball and roll him of a cliff. So score one for this film. But, but, but. There is an extended montage where Gere and Lane send each letters which is so bad I had to go leave the cinema and have a poop. Only I didn't need a poop so I strained so hard my rectum prolapsed and I had to go to hopsital. Still it was better than watching the end of Nights In Rodanthe.