There are quite a few reasons why I don't bat for the opposition. Firstly I'm a bit of a slob. My personal hygeine, while not awful, is well below the standard needed for acceptance into that particular club. Secondly, I black out at any type of pain, so putting something into sensitive areas of my body doesn't sound like much fun. I hate camp comedy so much that if I was to select members for a game of Russian Roulette Graham Norton and Alan Carr would be at the top of the list. But to quote Bernard Black the main reason I'm not a practicing homosexual is because of "all that dancing".
Well here we go again. Another cocking dance film. This time its the world of burlesque, where a white girl (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) with a dream to dance is repressed by her brother and her selfish dead parents that aren't there to support her. What with them being dead. But fear not a friendly girl invites Mary into her house and workplace and soon she is dancing again! Yay! Live the dream of wiggling!
Why do people have such a hard time shaking their collective booties. As the Gallagher brothers sang "Dance if you wanna fucking dance". And if you wanna do it in just your pants, brilliant. I'll be honest there were moments in this 'live the dream' smegmafest where I was genuinely entertained. Strangely enough they all seemed to be in the burlesque club. Hmmm. But whenever the focus shifted to underground, cool, Step Up type dancing my entire body convulsed like someone in a wheelchair soiling themself.
As cliche after cliche was thrown at the screen (dowdy girl turns sexy, girl dances on stage when no-one is about, etc,etc) the real cocky horror picture show was saved for the scenes with the 'love interest'. An amoeba of a man, wetter than a 13 year old otter at a Zach Efron convention. Cut the ten minutes he's in the movie and it'll be improved ten fold. I can also have the ten minutes of my life back to go stare at a tree or something less productive. Finally a note to the filmmaker make the final dance better than ones before it or its not really a climax. Having a hot girl come onto a stepladder is not a fitting climax. Even for Showgirls-esque tripe like this.