There are some huge mysteries to be answered this summer. Will Heath Ledger pull off his most difficult role in his penultimate film? Will Get Smart be the big sleeper hit? Is Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging the worst movie title in the world? But the big one, the one thats keeping me awake at night, is, Does Meryl Streeps character take 3 cocks at once in a family movie based around Abba songs?
The answer sadly is No. Donna (Meryl 'can kinda sing, is extremely flexible' Streep) had three romances, seperated by weeks, over the summer of 78. This led to her offspring Sophie (Amanda 'can sing very well' Seyfried) not knowing who her father is. On the eve of her wedding she invites the three possibles Pierce 'strangling cats' Brosnan, Colin 'whitest dancer in the world' Firth and Stellan 'Oh right! He's Swedish, I get it' Skarsgard. Hilarity, and Abba medleys to make Alan Partridge cream himself, ensues.
It goes without saying that if you have an aversion to all things EuroPopWank then this isn't the movie for you. So this isn't the movie for me either. At times you'll scream at the screen for the horror to end at the butt clenchingly awful nature of the film. But... I can't believe I'm gonna write this where actual people can see it...but it is ridiculously, ridiculously fun. And at times you kinda get taken away by it. Meryl Streep is perfect as the dick loving hippy and when she sings the worst Abba song (thats Dancing Queen by the way) she does it with such joy and nostalgia your heart actually lifts.
Thats not to say this is a good film and I'm not saying I liked it. For starters there is nowhere near enough plot to last two hours so its padded with song after song after bloody song and all extraneous characters are instantly shotgunable (I'm trademarking that word). But it has its moments. As for the 3 cocks at once thing I'm still not letting Meryl off the hook. My housemate who teaches Sex Education would have a shitfit at the quantity of unprotected sex this woman is having. Here's looking at the sequel where she has to explain her herpes scars and multiple STDs to Brosnan all played out to the songs of Meatloaf. 'Not a Dry Eye in the House' would fit perfectly with that premise.