Yay its my 100th Post! That means I've spent approximately 200 hours in the cinema, uncomfy seat, lights down, drink in hand. And what a film to celebrate with. A girl that has teeth in her cooch, fangs in her fanny, molars in her minge, incisors in her hairy axe wound, ... okay I'll stop. I remember years ago when I was going through a spell of unwanted celibacy I watched the film Gozu a bizzare Japanese film where during the finale a man literally climbed out of a womans wizards sleeve. This thankfully put me off the idea of hanky panky for quite some time. Now that the unwanted celibacy has returned I'd like to thank the makers of Teeth for making the nights a little easier.
Well you may know the premise but you don't know the setup and truth be told this is Teeth's biggest selling point. Dawn, our heroine, is an active member of the Christian chastity group, she is the queen of abstinence. She is also the epitome of moral virtue, she rides a bike to school singing as she goes, she wears jumpers with unicorns knitted on them, she waves to her neighbours and is as polite as can be. But we don't hate her for this because we know Dawn has a secret. As the poster says, 'Every rose has its thorns'.
We also don't hate her because she is played impeccably by Jess Weixler who I really hope is given a shot at something else on the back of this because she is simply outstanding. Her shock at the events happening to her is written all over her face with each facial tick and nuance making us care more and more. While the scenes of 'action' will illicit groans and giggles in equal measure its only thanks to Jess that the aftermath is, well, actually quite moving. If you can get past the 'bitey clam' there is a lot more weight to this film than you'd think.
But even if you can't get past the 'violent vagina' there is still enough wit within the boundaries of constraints that it is a simple B-movie. Set pieces that will have you laughing despite yourself and boo hiss villains that get whats coming to them. And if you can get through the last 30 minutes without thinking everything in the background resembles something sexual then you've done a damn sight better than I did. 'That looks like a fanny, that looks like a bush...' Oh, and for those that say the greatest gift a woman has it that of childbirth, I'd argue that the ability to rip a mans cock off when he's at his most happy, would probably pip that.