Wednesday, 28 May 2008

Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Review

I wanted one thing from Indy. Distraction. I didn't want a carefully plotted movie. I didn't care whether the best visual effects ever screamed at my eyeballs. I wasn't bothered if the old man looked like he might rupture a disc and piss in his colostomy bag. I wasn't even that concerned if my childhood was about 'to be raped' (fucking fanboys) by what I knew and loved being distorted into some sci-fi mindbender. I just wanted distraction. And Indy failed me. But I'll give him this. He had a bloody good go.

Nuclear explosions, Lousie Brooks coiffed Russians, Conquistadors, Motorcycles in libraries, Back to the Future in jokes, Spaceships, self aware monkeys that know who the bad guys are, the most 'London' Ray Winstone performance yet, CGI Gophers, Shia weeping in every scene, Marriage, Death, Jim from Neighbours and the Janitor from Scrubs together at last, if you missed your kitchen sink you won't find it anywhere else this year. So thank you Steve and George for the effort you put in.

Yes the fanboys will be up in arms about certain things, but fuck em its their job to bitch and whine about things thats just not Indy, or bits they would have done differently, etc, etc. If you're unfortuante to be stuck in a room with one just remind them of the jumping out of the plane in a dinghy from Temple of Doom (although you can refer to it as simply Doom they'll like that) or the birds as weapons in Crusade, or the... oh yeah there are no faults with Raiders. And thats why new Indy (in the same way new Star Wars) can never be what they want. Having this perfect ideal of a film means the fans should just stay away. Or lighten the fuck up.

The biggest gripe for some will be the end. And well, yeah, they may have a point. The myth and the legend of folklore seems to belong on this earth. While its fine to jump from hell and heaven and all that jazz, thats rooted in archealogy, its rooted in fortune and glory. Flying objects that are difficult to assign an identity too belong elsewhere. Like a scientology convention. But when all is said and done I can't complain about a film as odd as this. Its unpredictable, in a good way, and that may be the rarest thing I see in the year 2008. A blockbuster where you can't tell exactly whats going to happen? That or I may not have been concentrating enough.

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