Thursday, 15 May 2008

P2 Review

Fear not if you never saw P (there wasn't a P), but do fear if you're watching a christmas movie in May. Also fear if your watching a movie best described as a 'killer in a car park'. I bet the producers shit themselves with joy when they heard that one. "People use car parks all the time!", "It'll do for multistories what Psycho did for showers!". Except it won't. Because its turd.

Kicking off like Die Hard with a lady and no terrorists (so not like Die Hard at all), Rachel Nichols (spell it properly!) is Angela Bridges a workaholic office type who is trying to get home to her family for Chrimbo Eve. Wes 'Eyebrows' Bentley's security guard has other ideas and kidnaps Angela for a spot loving under the misteltoe. Cue 90 minutes of Angie escaping and then getting caught and then escaping and then getting caught and then escaping and all viewers losing the will to live.

As readers of this site will be fully aware I'm a cat that is easily spooked, horror not being my favourite genre of choice if I wish to keep my whites whiter than white. But as the year progresses I'm beginning to get an insatiable bloodlust for one reason only. The sooner these cretinous characters get their heads stoved in, the sooner I can get home and do something constructive like put my balls in a George Forman grill.

Wes Bentley is just awful as the psychotic security guard whose idea of being manic is waving your arms around like a monkey having a run. At one point the police turn up, look around, then disappear not thinking to search Wes's aformentioned massive and evil eyebrows for a weapon. A very poor move by the NYPD. Unsuprisingly no one watched this movie at my cinema. Perhaps it was because its right next door to a big car park and people got scared. Or maybe its because people are not as stupid as I think they are. Or our best testing indicates.

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