Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Three and Out (plus Oxford Murders) Review.

A tube driver tries to get someone to throw themselves under his train so that he can scoop a big payday jackpot. What an outrageoulsy offensive movie!!! Except it isn't. It isn't outrageous. It isn't offensive. It certainly isn't a comedy. Because comedies are designed to make you laugh. This film can never, ever be accused of trying to make anyone laugh. Instead its the kind of film I'll look back on my death bed and think, 'shit, why did I spend two hours in my life locked in a room with such crap? I could have been pulling out my pubic hairs one by one instead.'

Mackenzie 'Who did I blow to become a leading man?' Crook is the train driver with the most miserable existence in the world. Such a sad pathetic creature that you'd rather be the people in front of his trains than sitting next to him while he drives. After accidently killing two people with his tube (that sounds like a very dark porno) he finds a third man who is willing to kill himself for a few quid. Then for some ridiculously inexplicable reason he follows him around for the weekend.

Why the suicidal man would want to spend his last 48 hours with the sour faced Crook is just one of many baffling things about this film. For starters the first 20 minutes contains precisly 107 montages set to popular music of the day, each one more pointless than the last. The film contains more padding than a pillow factory and is as tonally unsound as James Blunt fighting a deaf cat with a used vinyl copy of 'BBC sounds of dying children Vol3'.

If it really wanted to be offensive it would have had a scene where a busload of disabled kids is plowed straight into a tree by the little midget guy from Amelie. But if you wanted to see that to get your jollies off you'd have to see The Oxford Murders, which I did and really wished I hadn't. A lame DaVinci Codeish film thats only saving grace is a really big pair of tits on actress Leonor Watling. Quite breathtaking.

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